I really don’t know how much more I can take. I can’t even get a job as a janitor!
Dear Jesus…
What? Why Hobby Lobby? What do You have for me there? Anything? I’m scared. I’m sad. I feel bad because if I move to Chicago (or anywhere else for that matter) and get married and have kids, my mom said she will never see them or us. I feel trapped. I don’t know what to do. I want to be happy…but I want my family to be happy too. They are all I have.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel stuck. I feel alone. I know that I am loved. I know that I matter. But it’s so hard. I feel so many different things all at once…but it doesn’t seem like it matters. I have to work, pay my bills and survive.
Grant me strength. Grant me patience. I am…broken. I quit.
Your Prodigal daughter,
Amaris
Ok, I’m just gonna say, love your mom, but sometimes she says crazy. ass. shit. Remember when we talked about how some parents will sometimes act strangely and say strange, hurtful things as a way of trying to control a person? Yeah. I would call this Catholic guilt, but she’s not Catholic. Is there a generic brand of Catholic guilt? Christian guilt? How about just plain guilt? Not one of those brands, generic or otherwise, is any better or more acceptable than the other.
So, family happiness or your happiness… In my opinion, anyone who would actively make you feel like you had to choose between the two isn’t worthy of spending energy fretting over. Maybe it’s awfully simple-minded of me to say, but I think that your happiness should be very important to them, important enough for them to support you (morally, emotionally, however they can), not put you down.
Your friend who wants you to be happy and not have to put up with this crazy ass shit talking,
Bryan
well put
Posted on Thursday, 6 August 2009
Another Rejection (A prayer)
Notes
